Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
