Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
