She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
