Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
