I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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