I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
