Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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