thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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