i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
