I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
