I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
