for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
