The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
