were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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