I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
