jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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