After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
