im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize