I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
