$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
