I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
