I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
