mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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