I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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