I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
