I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
