My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
