i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
