hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
