I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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