I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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