I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize