She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
