i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My cat gives me a boner
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
