if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
