He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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