We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
