Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
