I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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