So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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