Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize