Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
