I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
