do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
