he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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