weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
