Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
