i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
