After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
