How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
