he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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