I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
