all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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