he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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