I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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