i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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