I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
