I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
