Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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