all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
