Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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