my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
