I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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