they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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