I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
