"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
