i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The uberlube is also flammable
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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