Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
