She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
