are you still at the devil's house?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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