our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
